


I Promise You This...

by ReyloSolo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Children, F/M, Family, Love, Marriage, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates, rose is the bestfriend we all need
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-07 23:32:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15918480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloSolo/pseuds/ReyloSolo
Summary: Kylo is a Marine who goes missing in action while on a mission, Rey is left to raise their daughter who is following in his foot steps.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prologue, don't want to spoil it.
> 
> "Where are you and I'm so sorry  
>  I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
>  I need somebody and always  
>  This sick strange darkness  
>  Comes creeping on so haunting every time"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first fic since like 2012 so please go easy on me. haha This is the prologue that I took from a fic I had written a really long time ago and was inspired to rewrite it as a Star Wars AU. When I write I tend to listen to music and a certain song will inspire the chapter, or occasionally an entire work, so I'm going to be making a playlist out of the fic and will update it with each chapter and the song[s] that inspired me. 
> 
> So recommended listening for this fic so far is:  
> Prologue: Blink 182- I Miss You

Rey and Kira walked hand in hand into the park. They were both dressed in sun dresses with knit sweaters and hand their hair pulled back. Kira’s deep brown hair was pulled into braided pigtails, Rey one single bun. Kira carried Ben’s beat up stuffed baby rabbit from when he was little. The rabbit, Babbity, was brown and had a big red ‘B’ sewn onto his chest. He was missing one eye and looked like he could use at good scrubbing, but no one dared to even suggest it.  
They had done this once a month and every holiday since he was buried the year before. Today was especially hard it was November 15th, his birthday.  
They walked through the general park and off to the side where the military field Ben was buried in. Kira had shot up this morning grabbing her present for him and shaking Rey awake. They both dressed and Rey packed the picnic basket for the days trip. Rey laid out the picnic blanket in front of the head stone and sat down, Kira immediately wandered off into one of the flower patch next to the tombstones. She always gave Rey some time alone to talk with him.

  
"Hello darling," She absentmindedly played with the rings on her left ring finger, the rings had not left her finger for any reason since the day he went missing on a mission. They searched for a year before finally the Marine’s had given up declaring him missing in action, MIA, Finn and Poe had to be the ones to break it to her. They pronounced him dead and buried his empty casket two days later. Rey still has nightmares of tiny Kira holding the folded flag standing next to her father's casket, too young to fully understand. "She's gotten so big since last month. She's so much like you, she has such fiery temper but so much compassion and love in that tiny body. She has so much energy and passion for everything she does and she just always knows how to make me laugh when I need it. And of course she's becoming a master at calligraphy, I knew you like that." She laughed looking out at Kira who was seated in the flower patch, linking flowers into chains. "I miss you." She let the hot tears fall down her face, "It's so hard sometime, she has your eyes, your nose, those adorable ears and of course your smile. I look at her and I just see you. I need you, we need you. Benjamin please." She tried to fight back the tears but there was no use. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see a crying Rose. Rey stood up and embraced her friend. The two women cried on each others shoulders, Finn stood off to the side with Poe in his stroller.

  
Kira who was off in her own little world had noticed her aunt, uncle and baby cousin had arrived. She picked up a finished flower chain and ran over to the group, "Auntie Rose, I made this for you." she said handing it to her. "Hello Uncle Finn!” she threw her arms around Finn’s mid section and he laughed leaning down to hug her. Kira approached the carriage and held Babbity in front of Poe moving him around making funny noises and faces. Poe laughed and reached out to grab it but Kira pulled the stuffed toy away with a look of disgust. "No Poe, Babbity doesn't like baby drool." Rose laughed and tears fell from her eyes. Everyone looked at her as she tried to wipe away  the tears from her eyes. "Thats what Ben used to tell me when we were little. It's good to know Babbity still doesn't like baby drool." Rey hugged the girl, Ben had been like an older brother to her and his disappearance had been just as hard on her.

Finn took the opportunity to slip his hand under the baby carriage and pulled out a small cage. “Kira, I have a surprise for you."

  
Rey eyed the cage and shot Finn and Rose a look. Finn smiled and Rose put up her hands in defense. "I had no idea!"

  
"What is it?" Kira said jumping up and down trying to look into the cage.

  
"I want you to meet Ren.” He said opening the cage and pulling out a tiny black kitten on a leash. Rey gasped and Finn sighed shooting her a relax look. Kira took Ren from Finn and hugged him close to her chest. "When your daddy was younger his best friend was a cat just like this one named Ren.”  
Rey just stood there starring at the kitten in her daughters handa. Finn and Rose gave each other worried glances. Rose stepped forward to say something when Rey burst out in laughter. She started laughing so hard her face turned red and she began to shake.  
"What's so funny Mummy?" Kira asked cocking her head to the side.

  
"The first time I ever met your father. He was trying to get that cat out of tree. Finn and I were walking home from class and there he was on the sidewalk yelling up at a tree. He would talk to that cat like it knew what he was saying, 'Ren just come down here and we can work it out. I promise I won't do it again'."  She imitated Ben's deep serious voice and laughed even harder clutching at her sides, tears rolling down her face. 

  
Finn began to laugh remembering the exchange, "I remember that! He looked so helpless such a big dude standing on the sidewalk begging for that tiny cat to just come down.”

  
Kira slipped away from the group who continued to reminisce and sat down in front of Ben’s tomb stone. "Happy Birthday Daddy. Meet Ren!” She held the kitten up to the tomb. "Uncle Finn gave him to me, he said you had a Ren too! Mommy told me the funniest story about you trying to get him out of a tree! I wish you would come home, Mommy tells me you're always home right here." She held her hand over her heart. "Mommy needs you Daddy. I hear her every night, she calls out for you in her sleep, she has terrible nightmares. But Daddy she won't let anyone help her. Nana Leia tried to give her a sleeping pill once and we didn't see Nana Leia for a whole month! My birthday is next month and I'm going to blow out my candles and wish for you again. I love you daddy." She said as she hugged the tomb stone and a gust of wind picked up and a rose landed in her lap. "Thank you daddy."

  
She stood up and made her way back to Rey, Rose and Finn who were all still laughing at old times. She tugged on Rey’s dress and held the rose up to her. "Daddy wants me to give this to you." Rey took the rose in her and held it to her heart.

  
She looked up at the sky and said, "Thank you Benjamin, it’s perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the prologue!  
> This chapter was unbeta'd so please excuse and mistakes. Actual chapters will be much longer as well as of right now I plan to update every Thursday but may update more frequently depending on how fast I write the chapter. :)
> 
> If you're interested you can come chat with me on tumblr: okaybutreylo


	2. Chapter 01

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Rey, come sit with me” Ben was calling her from the kitchen.
> 
> She looked up from her textbook and took her pencil out of her mouth to answer, “Sweetie I’m studying, I have a test tomorrow.”
> 
> “So come study in here.” He yelled back.
> 
> “Benjamin I know full well if I come in there, I’m not going to study.”
> 
> “Oh come on Rey, I’ll be good.” He insisted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is a little early, I know I said Thursdays but I'll probably just update it if I finish the chapter before then.
> 
> Okay before anyone starts yelling about rankings and what not, this is a fan fiction, this not real and I am fudging stuff around to fit my story.
> 
> For anyone wondering what branches everyone is in: 
> 
> Ben- Marines  
> Finn- Army  
> Poe- Air Force  
> Han- Air Force  
> Leia- Navy, later a Senator  
> Luke- Marines
> 
> So recommended listening for this fic so far is:  
> Prologue: Blink 182- I Miss You  
> Chapter 1: My Chemical Romance- Famous Last Words

\- Ten years later-

  
“I don’t want to go.” Kira whispered to Rey as they stood outside of the building her orientation was in. Rey had moved Kira into her dormitory earlier that morning and helped her dress in her uniform. It took all of Rey’s strength to not break down, Kira look just like him in the uniform, her dark hair pulled back into a fight bun so her ears stuck out just a little too much, but to Rey she looked perfect.

  
Rey, who was dressed in a form fitting tan dress, her trench coat and kitten heels, grabbed her daughters hand and held it tight. “It’s going to be okay, you’re going to have fun I promise. You said you wanted to do this, you begged me for this and I know you, you will do it and be the best. ” The teen looked up at her mom and nodded, Rey could tell she was trying to hold back tears, but Kira had begged Rey for months to let her enroll in the Academy. Finally Rey had relented after Poe and Finn assured her it would be good for Kira to get some firm structure in her life, and it would help her feel closer to Ben. So Rey had said yes and now here Kira was crying she didn’t want to go. Rey wanted nothing more than to get in the car with her and drive away, she knew this was just a prep school, but what if this path led Kira into the military as well? What would Rey do if she lost her as well? She silently scolded herself for even having the thoughts, and pushed them to the back of her mind. She needed to be strong and smile for Kira, she needed to encourage her, this is what he would have wanted.

  
“Cadet Solo, looking fly as hell!” Finn called as he and Rose walked up the path to them. “Look at you, man I swear it was yesterday we were having tea parties in the back yard. Now here we are sending you off to the Academy.”

  
Kira gave them a small smile and looked back up at the building, she had a half hour before orientation started and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to run in there or run away. “Did you go here Uncle Finn?”

  
Finn shook his head, “No I didn’t, I joined the army after high school. Wish I came here, would have made basic training a hell of a lot easier.”

  
“Oh no, I know that face.” A deep voice said from behind Kira, she turned around to see her Uncle Poe, the older man wrapped his arms around her, “Your father had that same face when I first met him, come to think of it we met right here. He was trying to convince Leia to take him home, Han was having none of it of course kept mumbling how the ‘boy was too soft, needed some toughing up’. I decided he just needed a friend and asked him if he wanted to come in and sit with me. He was such a shy kid your dad, but a damn good soldier and we were best friends since that day.”

  
Kira perked up a bit at the thought of her father, who had achieved the highest rank of four star general in the Marines, had once stood here feeling the exact same way. If he could do it, so could she. “Thanks Uncle Poe, I needed to hear that.”

  
Rey smiled at the group and let out a sigh of relief, “I think we all needed to hear it.”

  
“Look at my grand baby! Oh Han look at her!” Leia came running up immediately grabbing Kira away from Poe smushing her into a hug, “You look just like my little Benny, oh Han take a picture of us.” Rey laughed as Han mumbled something under his breath but took the photo anyway. “Doesn’t she look just like the model cadet Han?” Leia was pinching Kira’s cheeks, something she absolutely hated.

  
“You look good kid, just like your old man he’d be proud.” Han smiled at Kira and handed Leia the camera, reaching into his pocket, “I guess it’s good your grandma here likes to take all these photos.” He held his hand out and Kira took the photo from him, it was a photo of Ben standing exactly where she was in his cadet’s uniform with a look of sadness and annoyance on his face. In the background Kira could see Poe giving an older man a high five, clearly much more excited about the day.  A small ‘oh’ escaped her lips as she continued to stare at the picture, Han shifted uncomfortably as tears welled up in Kira’s eyes, “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just thouh-“

  
“No no Grandpa,” Kira cut him off, “ I love it. Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around the older man who patted her back.

  
“Alright Kira, it’s time to go in.” Rey stepped forward putting her hands on Kira’s shoulders, “You can do this, if you need anything your Uncle Luke is here and we’re all just a phone call away.”

  
Kira turned and hugged her mother tightly and waved to everyone else before turning to walk up the stairs into the building, she turned back and her family was all waving to her. Poe and Finn stopped to salute her and she smiled saluting them back and walking in.

  
———

  
-Two months later-

  
Rey had fallen into a routine and she tried to convince herself that routine was good. She would wake up every morning, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home and eat dinner, after dinner she would read a little or watch tv, talk to Kira and then off to bed. It had been this way for the last four months since she dropped Kira off at the Academy. Without the wild fifteen year old shaking up her days, her life had become very bland, she wouldn’t admit it out loud but she was bored. Rey loved her job, she was a civil engineer in the city, and she was damn good at her job. Rey drummed her fingers along to the music on the steering wheel, there was an accident on the highway and she was just trying to get home so she could eat dinner before Kira called. Her phone started to ring pulling her from her thoughts, she looked at the screen on her car it was Rose, she clicked the green button on her steering wheel.

“Hey Rose, what’s up?”

  
“Rey! Hey where are you right now?” Rose asked cheerfully.

  
“Stuck in traffic, there’s an accident on the highway.” Rey sighed her car inching forward, “And you know people, they all have to stop and look. Just trying to get home before Kira calls.”

  
“I’m so happy she’s doing well at the Academy, Finn says she’s bound to be the top cadet.”

  
“Yeah she loves it, but I expected that she’s just like Ben.”

  
“She is, and it’s so good for her there to have good male role models in her life. You know?”

  
“No I don’t know she always had good male role models Rose, she grew up with Finn, Han and Poe. To be honest she asked so much about Ben that it was like he was there too.” Rey sighed, she knew where this conversation was going.

  
“Yeah but it's not the same, she never had one around her every day, you know like a father figure. Come on Rey it’s been ten years at this point even you have to know he’s gone and I know you’re still heartbroken but let me just set you up with someone, I know a really nice guy. I know you have to be lonely in that big house by yourself, you don’t even go out anymore.” Rose pleaded.

  
Rey pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her fingers there, the girls had this same argument at least once a week since Kira left. “No Rose, I don’t want you to set me up with anyone. I am happy just the way I am, and for the record I didn't have a 'father figure' or a 'mother figure' for that matter and I ended up just fine. Besides that I could never look at another man the way I looked at Ben, I’m sorry Rose I know you don’t understand but Ben was it for me. Maybe you could move on if Finn was gone but I can't. For me there is no moving on, no finding a nice guy, I will never love anyone the way I loved him and that wouldn’t be fair to that guy. I have Kira and that’s all I need.”

  
“But-“

  
“Rose I said no.” Rey cut her off, “I have to go, I’ll call you later.”

  
Rey ended the call and put her head against her steering wheel. She was tired of them trying to set her up with ‘a really nice guy’ they all suddenly knew a bunch of ‘really nice guys’. She laughed to herself thinking of how Ben would react to all of this, “You would rip the throat out of any man who tired to touch me.” She thought of a time when she and Ben were dating and a random guy at a bar had tried to feel her up and kiss her. Ben had come up behind him and tapping the guy on the shoulder, as he turned he knocked him clear out with one punch. Even if she hated him using violence she had to admit it was pretty hot, and they fucked in his car in the parking lot. Over time Ben had calmed down but she could see the jealousy in his eyes whenever men looked at her, she would always reassure him they could look but only he could touch. And oh boy did he touch, he knew every spot on her body and knew all the ways to make her come undone. Finally getting through the traffic it was a clear shot home.

She pulled into her driveway and opened the front door being greeted by Ren meowing, “Hey buddy, I know you miss her but she’ll be home for the holidays soon.”  
The cat purred against her leg and went to make himself cozy on the couch. Rey went about her nightly routine making dinner and eating alone with her book. She had just finished and was clearing the table when the phone rang.

  
“Hey Kira.” She said happily not even looking at the phone.

  
“Hey Mom. I don’t have a lot of time tonight, I have a late drill team practice.”

  
“I’m so happy you’re doing so well. How is everything going? How are you feeling?”

  
“Good Mom, really good. I know I was so scared at first but honestly this just feels natural. I was the first person to finish the course today, Uncle Luke thinks with some more practice I can beat Dads time.”

  
“I bet you will.” Rey laughed, she heard someone talking in the background to Kira on the other end, “everything okay sweetie?”  
“Yeah, I have to go Mom, practice is starting. I love you.”

  
“I love you too.” She replied as the line went dead, she put the phone down and set the kettle on the stove.

  
She sat down in the bay window and waited for her tea to be finished, she smiled remembering how much Ben loved this window.

  
———

  
“Hey Rey, come sit with me” Ben was calling her from the kitchen.

  
She looked up from her textbook and took her pencil out of her mouth to answer, “Sweetie I’m studying, I have a test tomorrow.”

  
“So come study in here.” He yelled back.

  
“Benjamin I know full well if I come in there, I’m not going to study.”

  
“Oh come on Rey, I’ll be good.” He insisted.

  
She sighed and made her way into the kitchen, Ben was sat in the bay window with a beer in his hand. His back pressed against the wall and long legs stretched across the cushions, she laughed at how the large man squished himself into the window. She knew he loved the view, the beautiful lake and forest that was behind the house, it was the selling point of the house. The original house was worn down and old, but the two of them had rebuilt it together, and he had insisted on this window. She went to sit down opposite of him but he grabbed her waist and pulled her down between his legs.

  
“Much better.” He sighed into her hair, “Go on and study. I told you I would be good.”

  
She laughed, “Sure Ben.”

  
She opened her book and leaned back into his chest. She could sit like this forever, and she knew he had felt the same. He had returned from a tour of Iraq the week before and he hadn’t let her out of his sight since. She didn’t blame him, they never really spoke too much about what happened over there, and even when they did she knew he was leaving out the worst parts but she could still imagine. She had comforted him through the nightmares, and the time he hit the ground when a car backfired when they were in town. She understood what he did and every time he returned she spent days caring for him and helping him readjust to being back at home. She hated it, but he was a good at it, really good at it, so much so that he was being promoted again and she knew despite everything it did to him he would never walk away. So she played her part as supportive Marine wife and helped him through things he didn’t even know he needed or at least wouldn't admit that he needed help with.

  
She was pulled from her thoughts when she felt his hands grab the book from her and set it down on the floor, “Benjamin Anakin Solo.” She warned, “You promised to be good.”

  
She felt his chest move up and down behind her as he laughed, “I think it’s time for a study break.” He said leaving a trail of kisses on her neck, “besides you weren’t even looking at the book so clearly your head was already elsewhere.”

  
He had caught her on that, and she wasn’t exactly saying no as his hands moved up her shirt to her breasts. “Fine,” She conceded leaning back into him, “But after you have to help me study.”

  
He twisted her around bringing her lips to his, and moving his hands to her waist, “No problem sweetie.” He mumbled against her lips, she pushed froward running her tongue across his bottom lip begging for entrance. She didn’t have to wait long as he immediately opened up and she deepened the kiss filling him with her desire. Her hands made there way down his chest and into the waist band of his pants, she ran her fingers along his already hardening length. He moaned into her mouth and pushed up into her hand. He took control of the situation lifting her up and laying her down on the cushions hovering over her, grabbing her leg and bringing her foot up to her mouth he kissed his way up her foot to her ankle, up her calf and thigh, he paused as he got to her center. "You know my little sunshine I have to study too."

"Oh yeah?" Rey breathed out letting a small moan of anticipation out.

"Oh yes, I have to study you, and I hear there might be a test on it. The Professor is a real hard ass too."

She laughed running her hands through his hair, "Well I'm sure there are ways you can earn extra credit."

"Oh I can think of a few ways." He said and ran his tongue up her wet core, his fingers teasing at her entrance. He knew how to drive her absolutely wild.

Rey moaned and pulled at his hair, "Ben, please."

 

::RING:: ::RING::

  
——

  
Rey was snapped back to the present when her phone began to ring, sighing she looked to see it was Rose. She hated when her memories were interrupted, especially since she tried not to think about them, but they were all she had left. Ghosts of memories left all around the world for her to find and fall into, small pieces of her happiness scattered about. She considered not answering for a second but she didn't want Rose to panic, no that would only make things worse.

  
“Yes Rose.” She said getting up to take the kettle off the stove.

  
“I was wondering if you had thought about what I had said earlier.”

  
“Yes I thought about it, and no I don’t want to. Please Rose, I don’t want to have this same argument over and over. I love and respect you too much for this.”

  
“I love and respect you as well Rey, which is why I just want to help you.”

  
“So help and respect me by letting me be and make my own decisions.”

  
“Alright Rey, I’m sorry I’ll drop it. How is your evening?”

“Not too bad, had dinner and talked to Kira. I just made myself a cup of tea and I’m thinking about having a bath. You?”

  
“I wish I could have a bath, Paige refuses to sleep or put clothes on, and Poe is glued to his iPad in the living room.”

  
“Where’s Finn?” Rey asked carrying her cup of tea up the stairs and through her bedroom to the master bathroom.

  
“I don’t know, you know how that goes. He just called earlier saying he needed to stay late not to wait up, haven’t heard from him since.”

  
“Ah well, probably just business as usual.” Rey did understand, she understood all too well what that was like. The 'you know I can't tell yous' that plagued her to this day. She placed her cup down on the side of the large tub and turned the water on, “Well I’m about to get in the bath, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  
“Alright have a good night, You know we're always here for you, love you Rey.”

  
“I know, love you.” She hung up and held down the button and turned her phone completely off not wanting to be bothered again leaving it on the bathroom counter.

  
She dropped a bath bomb, a gift from Kira, into the tub and ran her hand under the water making sure it was warm. She pressed play on the radio and soft tunes filled the room. Once the tub was full she stripped down and settled into the tub, she loved this tub but it was huge she could practically swim in it. Another thing Ben had insisted on, he needed a tub that was big enough for not only him to fit in but her as well. She smiled as she leaned her head against the head rest thinking of all the fun they had in this tub, all the times they had made love, evenings spent relaxing and exploring each others bodies, Ben massaging her feet every night when she was pregnant with Kira, she closed her eyes and drifted off in the peace of her cherished memories, the ghosts of him cradling her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave some feedback, thoughts, or a kudos. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr- okaybutreylo


End file.
